The Insanity of Harry Potter and Friends
by Kelso44
Summary: This fic could be descibed by many words: hilarious, confusing, or completely stupid. Please read, choose one of these words, and put it in a review. Read with caution. Includes the Tooth Fairy, a Gerbil/Lion, and a pair of Garfield boxers that keep di


The Insanity of Harry Potter and Friends  
By Kelso44  
  
Harry: Hello. My name is Sylvester.  
Hermione: No it isn't! It is Harry, Harry.  
Harry: How do you know?  
Hermione: Because that's what it says by where it says what you're saying.  
Harry: *is cunfuzzled* Well, call me Sylvester anyway.  
Ron: *wakes up*  
Draco: Anyone seen my Garfield boxers?  
Harry: Oh, yeah. Here they are.  
Draco: Thanks!  
Harry: No prob, Bob.  
Draco: My name isn't Bob!   
Harry: Neither is mine.  
Ron: Sassafras.  
Harry: Oh look! A letter from Dumbledore!  
Snape: What? A letter from Dumbledore?! 50 points from Gryffindor, Potter!  
Harry: My name isn't Potter! It is Sylvester!  
Filch: I love you Mrs. Norris!  
Mrs. Norris:*somehow in her cat voice* EW! Get away from me you greasy haired old coot!  
Filch: I knew you felt the same way, my sweet! *hugs his cat and starts to kiss her*  
Everyone else: *tries to block that memory form their minds*  
Hermione: So... what does the letter say?  
Harry: I don't know. It is in Russian.  
Hermione: Then how do you know it is from Dumbledore?  
Harry: I'd recognize that smell anywhere.  
Ron: I like hens.  
Hermione: *ignores both Harry and Ron's comments*  
Draco: I've lost my boxers again!  
Mad Eye Moody: I'm holding them hostage for my peg leg. Somebody stole it.   
Flitwick: *trying to hide Moody's leg behind him* It wasn't me...  
Draco: Give the man back his leg, Flitwick. Those are my favorite boxers!  
Flitwick: Never! I love his leg! And she loves me!  
Moody: *slaps Flitwick and grabs his peg leg*  
Hermione: Does anyone know how to read Russian?  
Crabbe: I do!  
Hermione: Sure, and I'm the Tooth Fairy!  
Ron: Really? How come you only gave me a nickel for my front teeth? Were they not good enough for you? Huh, is that it, you CHEAPSKATE?! *bursts into sobs and runs off*  
Hagrid: Everyone, I have an announcement to make.  
Harry: Yeah?  
Hagrid: *imitating Tim Curry from Rocky Horror* I'm just a transvestite!  
Draco: *faints*  
Harry: I understand Hagrid. I'm behind you 84%. The other 16% of me is behind Cho Chang, looking at her butt.  
Hagrid: Thanks Harry!  
Harry: YOU STUPID OAF! MY NAME IS SYLVESTER!  
Hagrid: *wails as buckets of tears fall from his eyes*   
Harry: Can somebody get him out of here? I just can't work like this, people!  
Draco: Sure thing Har- I mean Sylvester.  
Harry: I thought you fainted a little while ago...  
Draco: I was only pretending so I could look up Parvati's skirt. *to Parvati* Nice panties by the way... *lifts up Hagrid and takes him to his hut*  
Parvati: That PERVERT! Oh well, if he's strong enough to carry Hagrid, I guess he can look up my skirt.  
Lavender: You little scamp! Draco's mine!  
Lavender and Parvati: *begin to claw at each other's eyes with their perfectly manicured nails*  
Ron: Cat fight!  
Harry: Two, actually. *points at Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris who are also clawing at each other's eyes with Parvati and Lavender's perfectly manicured nails*  
Dobby: *slams his ears in the oven*  
Draco: Ah... just like the good ol' days...  
Dobby: *takes Draco's boxers and put them on his head*  
Draco: *takes his boxers off Dobby's head and puts them on his tushy*  
Ron: Toucan feathers taste good!  
Draco: *munching on colorful feathers* It's true! They do!  
Everyone: *grabs some toucan feathers and gulps them down*  
Hermione: These are delicious!  
Harry: These are scrumptious!  
Ron: These are pogo sticks!  
Ginny: I'm going to dye my hair hot pink!  
Mrs. Weasley: Oh no you are not Virginia Amelia Weasley!  
Harry: Amelia? I didn't know your middle name was Amelia...  
Ginny: Me neither! Since when is my middle name Amelia?  
Mrs. Weasley: Oh don't ask. Your father decided last week he wanted to change you middle name...  
Ginny: Oh, okay. It's better than my old middle name anyway...  
Harry: There is something worse than Amelia?!  
Ginny: Yeah, Maurice.  
Harry: *splits a rib laughing so hard* Your middle name used to be MAURICE?!  
Ginny: NO! It was Sylvester! *shudders*  
Harry: Hey! That's my name! *curses Ginny for making fun of his name*  
Ron: That's my sister!  
Harry: Naw, really?  
Ron: *missing the sarcasm* No... I'm just kidding...  
Harry:???  
Hermione: I've decoded the letter Dumbledore sent us!  
Harry: What does it say?  
Hermione: If I've translated it correctly, it says... "My diaper needs changing."  
Harry: You wear diapers?!  
Hermione: No! That's what the letter says.  
Harry: *is extremely relieved* It took a page and a half to say "My diaper needs changing."?  
Hermione: It looks that way Sly.  
Firenze: Mars is unusually bright tonight...  
Ron: Unlike me.  
Trelawney: Oh no!  
Harry: What is it this time you old bag?  
Trelawney: There are dead flies on my glasses!  
Harry: *sarcastic* Oh my gosh! The world is going to end!  
Trelawney: I know! Isn't it horrible?!   
Harry: *groans*  
Snape: No groaning! 50 points from Gryffindor!  
Harry: Huh?  
Snape: *groans*  
Draco: Where the hell are my damn boxers now?!  
Fleur: They are on your very cute tushy.  
Draco: Hm... so they are...   
Fleur: I'm not really Fleur you know...  
Draco: You aren't? Then who are you?  
Fleur: I'm Voldemort.  
Draco: Oh. Cool. What's up my homie?  
Voldie: I'm not a homie! I'm an evil lord!  
Draco: Did you say my tushy was cute?  
Voldie: *blushes*  
Colin: Hey Sylvester!  
Harry: Yeah?  
Colin: Wanna have a sleepover tonight?!  
Harry: That's a great idea, Colin!  
Colin: *grins form ear to ear*  
Harry: *gathers everyone and takes them to the Gryffindor common room*  
Voldie: Hey... this place is pretty fancy...  
Draco: Much better than those freezing dungeons where I sleep.  
Voldie and Draco: WE'RE MOVING IN!  
Ron: Oh how fun! We can paint our nails, and do our hair, and put on make-up!  
Harry: Uh, Ron... I don't think that Draco and Voldemort want to do that kinda stuff...  
Ron: I wasn't talking to them anyway. I was talking to my pet gerbil, Gabby. She's a lion.  
Everyone but Ron and Gabby: *is totally bamboozled*  
Harry: Well, what are we going to do at this wonderful sleepover?  
McGonagall: Absolutely nothing since it ends right now. Lights out!  
Everyone but McGonagall: Awwwwww...........  
McGonagall: All right, everybody out! Hop to it!   
Ron: *hops to his dorm*  
Everyone Else: *goes to bed*  
  
Kelso44: And so the insanity ends... for now... *laughs evilly*  
  
THE END  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The Garfield boxers belong to Draco. Gabby the Lion/Gerbil belongs to Ron. And 16% of Harry belongs to Cho's butt.  
  
A/N: No need to review unless you really wanna make my day. Flames are understood. Sequel could be coming along if ya'll really want one. Lata. ~Kelso 


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